Thoughts...

So my baby (Ruth) started school in September. Kindergarten is all day! That just started this year all my other kids went half day so we really ripped the band aid off with our last one! I have had kind of a strange adjustment to this and I wanted to put a few of my thoughts about this down before they are gone forever. 1st off I am just NOW adjusting to the empty house during the day in a few ways. In the fall I am super busy preparing for the Holiday Bazaar. So I spent every minute while they were at school doing bazaar projects, paper work, advertising.... work. That or I was teaching dance (I do have one day time class for preschoolers), helping in the classroom, or helping out with Grandma Lucy. Then as soon as the bazaar was over I go in to full Christmas mode. I am doing all the things that mom's do to make Christmas magical for their family. During that time we got the news of Larry's mom's cancer and I knew I wanted to help more. So right after Christmas (even before kids went back to school) I started spending many of my days in Salem helping Glenn and Nadine or Grandma Lucy. Then after Nadine passed I spent the next week doing things to help with funeral arrangements and such. After the funeral was over it was the first time I really had my days be so free of structure that I could really look at my days and decide what I wanted, or needed to do. There is still plenty of things to do trust me but as I do these things with NO ONE here with me my mind has been thinking of somethings that I am surprised at. After 15 1/2 years of always having little ones here to fill my day I thought I would feel so lonely that it is quiet I wouldn't be able to stand the quiet and I would have music playing all the time. For the most part I LOVE the quiet. Which really surprises me! Once and a while I do listen to music but it was mostly during Christmas time and it was all carols. If I listen to anything it is usually another conference talk or a lecture from "Mother's who know". Which I highly recommend!!! Another thing that if funny to me is that every time I vacuum (which is a lot lately), when I am done I realize I miss having a little kid run to unplug it for me. Not that I can't do it, it was just a fun thing my kids always loved to do. I thought I would miss sitting at the table listening to the chatter at lunch and some times I do, but I also am enjoying the fact that I can "work" through lunch. Grab my shake and just keep going! I remember being overwhelmed one day (ok probably more then one day) and calling my mom, feeling exhausted and like the diapers, fits, and way to short of naps to get anything done, and always trying to put shoes back on every time we get in and out of the car would never end... I remember her telling me it was going to go by faster then I thought and I honestly didn't believe her. I thought yeah right 10 years is a LONG time. Well here it is 15+ almost 16 of me being a mom and I can't believe it. I think I blinked and here it is. I remember thinking the mom's with teenagers, or all their kids or even some of their kids in school were so much older then me. Now I think I am the same age as the mom's just starting out and forget that to her I am the "old mom". I spent my WHOLE live wanting to be a mom. I remember taking a doll to school on "career day" because I wanted to be a mom. I dreaded them all going to school because then what would I DO! Well I still DO a lot and I love it and I wouldn't trade one minute of it! It is the best job the hardest job, the most exhausting job, and the most rewarding. My heart is full with the gratitude I have for the privilege I have of getting to do this most amazing thing that I always wanted to do. It fulfills me in more ways then I ever dreamed of. I get to live, do, love, and grow as an individual as I get to help these other 6 (yes I am counting my husband not because he is my kid but because in all honesty we help each other grow in more ways then I imagined as well). I am full of gratitude and love and just happy to be living my dream! I have many goals of things I still want to learn to do and I will start working on them as well. I just wanted to stop and take note of these thoughts that have been bumping around in my brain for the last few weeks before they were gone. (That tends to happen to me, after 5 kids I don't remember things all that well unless I write them down).