Not so sweet release....

I feel strange writing about this but it is part of my life and has been a major part of my life for almost all of my married life so it is a major change and I feel like I should write about it for my sake more then anyone else's. Just so that I don't forget how I am feeling today. If this is to personal for you, don't read it, so read at your own risk! But these are the feelings of my heart! For most of my married life, about 90% of my over 10 years of marriage, I have served in one way or another in Primary at church. I have come to to know the children in our ward. All of them. And love them. I not only love them but feel our Saviors love for them. I enjoy being with them, they bring joy to my heart. I love spending hours planning activities for them, planning sharing times for them. Teaching and being with them. I am not going to say there haven't been weeks where I don't come home from church with a head ache and need a nap but they still fill my heart. I know that the Savior loved the children and I know why he wanted them to "come unto me" They are so precious!!! I was released today at church and given a new calling as the Enrichment leader in our ward. This will be foreign to me. I have attended Enrichment's for years but spending Sunday's away from the hustle and bustle of the primary room will be a totally new and terrifying experience for me! It sounds crazy to some but truly this has become my life, my love, and there is no where I would rather be then with the children on Sunday! I pray that all those who serve in Primary know how truly lucky they are to be in the presence of these wonderful children. Even when they don't seem so wonderful they are still easier for me to understand and deal with then adults often are for me. I guess it is time for me to learn a few new tricks. But I have to admit my pillow has been wet for the past few nights, there has been little sleep, and I know my heart is breaking a little knowing I will no longer be serving with these angels. The women I have served with have taught me so many things and helped me grow in so many ways I didn't know were even possible. I am not the same person I was 2 years ago when I was called to be the primary president. I feel like I will miss the quarterly activity that I started planning, I had so many fun ideas and was looking forward to it, I was looking forward to the primary program in October. This will be the 2nd one in 11 years that I will be in the audience instead of on the stand with the children. I only pray that I will learn to love the sisters in our ward the way I love these children. I know I will enjoy serving where ever I serve, and I typically love change, but this change is scary for me. I shouldn't identify myself so strongly with a calling, and I don't necessarily think it is the calling it is being with the children that I will miss. But I will feel like there is something missing each Sunday when I go to church. I think I will follow the example of a few wonderful people I know from the Prineville ward where I grew up. I have been to more Gospel Doctrine Lessons, and Relief Society meetings there visiting then I have in my own ward and I have to admit that they inspire me. When I start to attend these meetings I want to be like them. It is obvious that they all (for the most part) read the lessons a head of time. They are all prepared to participate in the lesson, which is the way it is suppose to be I believe because we all learn more this way. I will be my goal to do this so that I will not feel like I am missing out, or doing my job. I am so use to preparing lessons, and planning every week anyway I don't think I should go on vacation I guess. It will be a hard transition for me but I know that this is the Lord's will. Our Bishop is a wise man and I know he is inspired. Now I just need to convince my heart, and hope that they children will still hug me and say hi to me in the hall because I know I will miss them desperately. I don't know if the emotional part of this is worse because I am pregnant or not but it just is. I will never forget these children, or those I have served with all these years! I also am so grateful for the sweet understanding of our last bishop who saw me crying in the hall, hugged me and told me he knew how I was feeling. I knew he truly did understand. It is hard to leave a calling when you love it so much. On top of it he and his wonderful girls who I have loved working with blessed me again this evening by bringing me brownies (still warm) and a wonderful thank you note. Just like we did for him the day he was released. This very thoughtful act touched me in a way I can't describe and I will never forget their kindness! It has been a hard day for me... Thanks to all those who have allowed me to serve in this capacity and let me love their children. Now it is on to the next chapter in my life, no matter how reluctantly I go.